4 Ways to Stop Focusing on Your Flaws & Fixate on Your Beauty
Perspective is everything.
From angles to lighting to colors and to sizes, we view things from a very unique perspective. This also applies to how we see our body. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I’ve scrolled through Instagram and marveled at how the light hit someone’s face just right to showcase their perfect skin, or at how the right angle, pose, and curve seemed to be accentuated perfectly. Then, I would walk over to the mirror and solely focus on the blemish on my cheek or how my hips seemed to be nonexistent despite how much I twisted them into a pretzel.
I searched for the perfect skin care routine, I reevaluated my clothes and decided that I wasn’t good enough. Over time, trying to fit into the mold of perfection felt unattainable because everyone had a different opinion on what perfection was and the methods you had to take to achieve it. How do I become perfect if there is no right way to do it?
One day along this journey while I was running errands, a stranger approached me and said “I just want to let you know, you’re beautiful.” I was completely caught off guard. I thanked them, but I thought “Why? I’m not even wearing makeup today. I’m pretty sure there’s a pimple on my chin, and I didn’t put any thought into my outfit.” That same day, someone else asked me if I was a model and complimented my style.
*Insert a pause and a very confused “Wait, what?”
I had honestly put the most minimal amount of effort into my appearance that day and by no means felt I was worthy of any kind of compliment. But then it hit me. They didn’t focus on my flaws when they looked at me. They didn’t have the perspective of what I felt my wardrobe should be. They simply saw me. In that moment, I realized that I had trained my eyes to only see my flaws… And if I could train my perspective to only see the negative, what would I see if I changed it to something positive?
When I adjusted my focus, everything changed. The way I viewed my clothes, the way I approached health, and the way I saw beauty. It was like adding color to a black and white photo.
So, how do we retrain our perspective?
1. Shop for your size.
This may seem obvious and almost misplaced, but so often I found myself shopping for the size I felt I should be. This meant buying pants that were two sizes too big in hopes that I’d grow into them because I was too small. Or buying pants that were too small in hopes that they would cling onto whatever I had to offer. But then I changed my thinking to: “what fits and what feels good?” I had to forget the numbers for a minute and simply put on what felt good and what complimented my style. That changed everything because then I fell in love with clothes again and all the ways I could mix and match no matter what the numbers were. I realized I could strive for change but ultimately, I have to meet myself where I am.
2. Eat foods that fuel YOUR body.
With all the diets and weight plans out there, it can become overwhelming. To count calories or to not count calories? How much sugar is too much sugar? Is a gluten-free diet the way to go? At the end of the day, this is the most simple rule to go by: Eat what makes you feel best. What does your body respond well to? I avoid dairy in my diet because I don’t like the discomfort that ensues after I eat it, and I limit other things like sugar because my skin breaks out when I have too much. There is no cookie-cutter diet that works for everyone because we are all so different. Start listening to your body, and you will automatically reap the benefits (such as weight loss, clearer skin, muscle gain, etc.)
3. Exercise for what your body needs.
Working out promotes so much overall wellness in more areas than just bigger muscles or weight loss. It can improve our mood, it can connect us to other people, it can give us more energy, and so many other things. However, many times I would face working out as a chore, or as a “if I don’t do this, I won’t look like those girls,” but with that perspective, there was always something to look at and be unhappy about. But wanting to just be stronger, getting excited over the fact that I could lift one weight bigger than I could a couple months ago, and realizing that my body has the strength to carry me many miles around a park made me realize that my body did its thing whether I watched it or not. If you find a plan that makes you happy, by all means, stick with it! But always be conscious of your motives.
4. Being mindful of your MENTAL health.
Honestly, any change we make in life would not be effective without changing how we think. What we say to ourselves in our moments of self-doubt and low self-esteem affects our perspective on how we see our body. Simply changing a sentence from “I can’t eat that because I’m trying to be healthy” to “I don’t want to eat that because I like how I feel when I don’t” gives us the power. I find that not only saying these things but writing them makes them more concrete in my head. In my journal, I have a list of all the things that represent me:
I am beautiful.
I am strong.
I. Am. Enough
I read these lines and I am reminded of the beauty that exists inside of me and then I radiate it to the rest of the world. And guess what? It shows! When you radiate peace and beauty within yourself, that’s all anyone can see. So, I challenge you to do the same. What are three to five sentences you can write and read daily that remind you of the amazing human you are?
If we are to love ourselves, we have to change how we look at everything that affects our body. Our eyes will see whatever we train them to see, so it is up to us to remind them of the beautiful beings we are no matter what the angle or lighting says.
It’s time to embrace yourself body, mind, and soul with OPEN arms. No more negative self-talk, body insecurity, and self-doubt. Download our FREE e-book, EMBRACE, and start taking action towards releasing the doubt and claiming your truth today.
My name is Tatyana Kiahra from Washington, D.C. currently staking my flag in Raleigh, NC. I am a poet, I enjoy playing tunes on my piano, taking and teaching dance lessons, singing, and writing. And if I am not tapping into my creative brain, I’m probably kayaking on a river or stalking plane ticket prices for a new adventure. My life’s goal is to live empowered and live to empower others and I love finding ways to do that through any median I can.
Connect with Tatyana over on her blog and Instagram!