7 Steps to a Powerful Come-Back
*Photography by the miraculous Meri Daugherty.
I spent my entire life fearing failure and, in true law of attraction manner, experiencing it time and time again.
I’ve failed myself: in business, as a wife, as a mother, as a daughter, you name it! The kicker is that failing doesn’t define your identity, nor does it define your ability to do something. Failing as a mother doesn’t mean you’re a bad mother. Failing in business doesn’t mean you can’t do good business. I’ve fallen flat on my face enough times to know that failure is often a disguised opportunity, redirection, and growth. We can’t avoid failure, but we can certainly transform our failures into the best things that have ever happened to us. To my kids, I’m the best mother they could ask for. My business has been steadily and consistently growing. The relationship between my mother and I has never been better. I’m happily remarried and I feel aligned with myself every single day. The best part is that now I get to guide others into doing this very thing for themselves. How in the world did I get here after failing my way to rock bottom?! The magic, the secret sauce, is in the come-back.
I’d be here all day if I told you every single detail of my story, therefore I think it would be MUCH more efficient to share the 7 steps that I took towards a powerful come-back. Here they are:
1| Understand the downfall.
The first step, as with anything else, is probably the most difficult one of all. Understanding your downfall requires you to reach a deep level of vulnerability and radical honesty with yourself. Have a sit down with yourself, and see yourself through each and every perspective. Trace all of the details beyond this particular failure and delve into the bigger picture that is your life.
Doing this allows you to reach a level of self-awareness that gives you freedom from the cage that your current state traps you in. You begin to see patterns, roots and belief systems that all played a role. You start to learn what your role was in each situation and eventually become SO clear about how you got to where you are that you become empowered by the knowledge. This clarity is now your super-power, because you now have the ability to make necessary changes and an astounding amount of personal growth.
2| Own Your Story.
When you begin to understand your downfall, it has a domino effect on your reality. Suddenly, life events start connecting, and everything begins to make more sense. This understanding will breed self-compassion. When you understand yourself, you will have the compassion to release your self-inflicted judgement. When you have compassion for yourself you can love yourself on a deeper level. The story that once made you feel small is now the solid foundation that you stand on. The shame and feelings of not being worthy are now ready to heal. Your story is no longer a valid weapon to be used against you, and you become unstoppable. You begin to own your story in such a way, that there isn’t any room for shame or feeling worthless behind it.
3| Know yourself.
Throughout the course of our lives, we’ve been wired to take on the identity of our pain, trauma, failures and judgements. Who were we before we experienced all of this? Well, when you allow the pain, trauma and failures to transform into strength and purpose, you find that you are still that indestructible and resilient being, now evolved. This is the identity that you want to get to know all over again. Who are you without your trauma, pain and failures? What are you passionate about? What makes you come alive? What fuels that inner flame that so many tried to diminish? This is a time of self-exploration. Ask yourself what you want to create with this blank canvas of a life before you. Write it all down. It may surprise you.
4| Nurture your identity.
Growth is the name in the game of life. For so long you’ve been nurturing and feeding who you thought you were. It’s time to feed who you actually are. Do the things you’ve always wanted to do, but didn’t think you could. Pick up that hobby you loved as a child and just outgrew. Take the courses that bring you closer and closer to your identity. Book that solo flight, start that business, or pick up that book. Shift what you consume mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically to align with who you truly are.
5| Set the boundaries.
In times of massive growth and a powerful come-back, we are always faced with the task of setting boundaries and protecting our magic. You will find that, for reasons no longer valid, you may have allowed certain people and behaviors in your life. Maybe they made you feel validated, perhaps you couldn’t turn it away out of shame, or maybe you felt that it was what you deserved. By now, you know this is not true and that you deserve much better. You know that there are certain things and people that only perpetuate the state you were in, and that way of being simply doesn’t align anymore. Time to set those boundaries! Surround yourself with people that celebrate you for who you are and not for who they’ve made you out to be. Take part in the things that nurture the truth of you rather than the layers you had been showing. Not only will this protect your energy, but it will also make room for all of the magically aligned people and experiences that have been waiting for you.
6| Invest in yourself.
They say that your bank account is the number one way to identify your priorities. Where do YOU fall into those priorities? Take the time to invest in the nourishment of who you are. Invest in your personal, spiritual, professional, emotional and physical growth. Have you heard wonderful things about a program or a book that you feel massively drawn to? Take the steps necessary to gift them to yourself. Hire a mentor, coach, or therapist to dig deeper into your healing and elevate consistently.
It doesn’t always have to be a financial investment. You can invest your time and energy too! Take the time to be active with your body. Take extra time to be mindful every morning, to drink plenty of water, to take a day off when you need to decompress, or to dig into all of the resources available to you! Making it a point to invest money, time, and energy into yourself allows you to get an ROI (return on investment) worth more than gold.
7| Step into your power. Use your voice.
You didn’t get this far and go through ALL that just for giggles. Your story matters, and it deserves to be heard in order for others walking that path to feel hopeful, inspired and guided. Think it’s all been heard before? Let me be the one to tell you that it hasn’t. Not your story… not with your voice, perspective and energetic imprint. There’s true purpose behind your journey being told by you in a method you’re passionate about. Stepping into your power with purpose and divine confidence makes a tremendous impact on those who take in your message. It doesn’t have to be done the way it’s always been done. Pave your own way and watch lives transform as a result.
Are you ready to exit your comfort zone and start pursuing your biggest passion? Are you ready to ditch the self-doubt, fear, and insecurity in order to claim your truth? Download the ‘Dare to Take Risk’ workbook for FREE & start taking action towards your biggest dream today!
Darling is a wife, mother of two, bonus mom of two more, pizza obsessed, and a closet dancer. She is a transformational coach, intuitive guide, and certified Theta-Healer. She focuses on helping female game-changers step into their power and shape shift from what the world has tried to make of them into who they truly are. She aims to help women carry out their passion, purpose, and ultimate life mission.